


The Hogwarts Founders VS Snakes & Lions

by MissDrarryDawn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Kissing, Comedy, Extreme Crack, Fluff, Getting Together, Ghosts, Godric Gryffindor - Freeform, Hogwarts Founders - Freeform, Humor, Humoristic, Kissing, M/M, No Angst, OOC!Draco, OOC!Harry, Out of Character Harry, Post War, Pure Crack, Salazar Slytherin - Freeform, all in good fun though, bashing the founders, cavities, comedic fic, crack!fic, dont take this seriously at all, happiness, harry still a dummy tho, just for fun fic, lighthearted short fic, literally only crack, out of character draco, pure dumb fun, pure!boys, yelling at ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25050325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissDrarryDawn/pseuds/MissDrarryDawn
Summary: When the noble houses of Slytherin and Gryffindor are quite loudly insulted, Salazar Slytherin's and Godric Gryffindor's ghosts pay a visit to Hogwarts to see who dares dishonor their legacy. Turns out something entirely different is afoot here....//Completed//Word count: 2.2k
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 131





	The Hogwarts Founders VS Snakes & Lions

**Author's Note:**

> its been a while since i wrote a crack!fic, and i honestly missed it so i decided to have a go at another one. PLUS the last two or three fics I posted were evil and painful, so I figured you guys deserved something fun and lighthearted from me.
> 
> You're welcome. :D  
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Find more on my [Tumblr](https://missdrarrydawn.tumblr.com/)

_"Fuck Slytherin!"_

Echoed through the Hogwarts castle, loud and clear as a Sonorus. Everyone present in the halls and classrooms stopped and turned their heads about to find who had screamed that at the top of their lungs.

People were mostly staring at Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs for the culprit, but everyone had equally of a blank expression on their faces.

Suddenly, the halls rumbled and warped, the air shimmered and pulled as a form slid into existence in the middle of a distant alcove where Draco Malfoy had just screamed himself hoarse.

The figure crossed his arms across his chest and stared Malfoy down with a disapproving glare. Salazar Slytherin's ghost himself tutted at the blonde:

"How dare you dishonor my noble house with such profanities, boy?"

For a few seconds, Malfoy blinked in confusion as he stared at one of Hogwarts' founders, then his brows furrowed and his expression grew enraged.

"I dare! It's all your fault!" Malfoy pointed a finger into Salazar's face. "You and your stupid house traits!" 

Salazar backed up from the angry boy:

"How so?" The ghost asked, his glare still firmly etched into his features.

"Your darned self-preservation and pride is such bullshit! It's your fault that I now can not go up to that fucking idiot and tell him I'm in love with him!" Malfoy waved his arms around as he yelled at a ghost. "You made up some stupid house traits that now screwed me over." Malfoy huffed as he finally ended his tirade and crossed his arms across his chest, then leveled Salazar Slytherin with equally of a hard glare.

The ghost took a while to respond:

"Which idiot?" Was the only thing he could ask in his shock.

Malfoy rolled his eyes:

"Which idiot do you _think?"_

Salazar rubbed his chin as he considered this for a moment. Then a very real possibility dawned on him:

"He's a Gryffindor isn't he?"

Malfoy nodded:

"The Gryffindorest Gryffindor that ever existed. Unfortunately though, I love him for it."

~

_"Fuck Gryffindor!"_

Echoed through the Hogwarts castle, loud and clear as a Sonorus. Everyone present in the halls and classrooms stopped and turned their heads about to find who had screamed that at the top of their lungs.

People were mostly staring at Slytherins and Ravenclaws for the culprit, but everyone had equally of a blank expression on their faces.

Suddenly, the halls rumbled and warped, the air shimmered and pulled as a form slid into existence in the middle of a distant alcove where Harry Potter had just screamed himself hoarse.

The figure crossed his arms across his chest and stared Potter down with a disapproving glare. Godric Gryffindor's ghost himself tutted at the raven:

"How dare you dishonor my noble house with such profanities, boy?"

For a few seconds, Potter blinked in confusion as he stared at one of Hogwarts' founders, then his brows furrowed and his expression grew enraged.

"I dare! It's all your fault!" Potter pointed a finger into Godric's face. "You and your stupid house traits!" 

"What nonsense are you spouting?" Godric shook his head in utter disappointment. This boy was making no sense.

"No, no, don't you go tutting at me!" Potter waved his arm to get Godric's attention and then stood himself akimbo. "You'd think courage and daring are useful traits when it comes to confessing love. Guess what, Godric? They _aren't!"_

"They aren't?" Godric blinked. How could they not be?

Potter shook his head violently, his glasses shaking dangerously on his nose:

"No! Not when the idiot I'm in love with is a bloody Slytherin!"

Godric stared at the boy in silent contemplation for a full minute before he found his words. He was far too old and far too dead to deal with teenage drama:

"A Slytherin?"

Potter nodded and huffed:

"The Slytherinest Slytherin that ever existed. Unfortunately though, I love him for it."

~

"Okayyy, but what do you want me to do about all this?" Salazar arched an eyebrow. Never in his lifetime _and_ afterlife before had he been yelled at for something he could effectively do absolutely nothing about. He'd been dead for centuries, for Merlin's sake!

"You're going to go find Harry Potter and tell him I love him on my behalf." Malfoy jutted his chin up.

Salazar gaped.

"Come again?" The ghost spluttered.

Malfoy didn't flinch:

"Since all of this is all your fault, it's only fitting that you go and fix it. So off with you then." He jerked his head to the empty hall, clearly indicating that it was time for Salazar to do as he was told.

The ghost smarted then:

"Now you wait a minute you disrespectful—"

Malfoy shook his head and scoffed:

"I hold your pride to this."

Salazar pressed his lips in a thin line and scoffed once, just to have that last scoff, but then turned away and went to find Harry Potter.

Honor was honor, goddammit.

Maybe the boy had a point about pride—

~

"But wait—how is that possible?" Godric struggled to understand.

Potter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose:

"It's _possible,_ because your buddy Salazar made Slytherins all sly and prideful and cold—they require subtlety and discretion to believe you when you tell them something, especially if you tell them you love them, subtlety and wit, persuasiveness—everything Gryffindor _doesn't have!"_

Godric opened his mouth to protest, then shrugged in agreement:

"No okay, that's totally fair." 

"Damn right it is." Potter nodded curtly.

"Okayyy, but what do you want me to do about all this?" Godric half shrugged. Never in his lifetime _and_ afterlife before had he been yelled at for something he could effectively do absolutely nothing about. He'd been dead for centuries, for Merlin's sake!

"You're going to go find Draco Malfoy and tell him I love him on my behalf." Potter jutted his chin up.

Godric gaped.

"Come again?" The ghost spluttered.

Potter didn't flinch:

"Since all of this is all your fault, it's only fitting that you go and fix it. Get going now." He jerked his head to the empty hall, clearly indicating that it was time for Godric to do as he was told.

"But—" Godric started to complain, he'd only come because his house was being insulted by one of its own, this wasn't even remotely why he was here, but Potter didn't let him:

"Don't tell me the great Godric Gryffindor is scared?"

Godric could swear Potter's tone was just the slightest bit mocking, but he didn't pay heed to that. 

He was no coward, and he would not let this boy make him out to be one!

As he drifted off in search of Draco Malfoy, he vaguely acknowledged the boy might have had a point—

~

"Harry Potter!" Salazar bellowed as he floated through the many halls, scaring children alike with his visage. He supposed it was not everyday you meet a Hogwarts founder. Most stared dumbly at him, then scuttled away, none brave enough to offer him insight into _where_ Harry Potter was. _Dammit._

He continued his search, ducking into classrooms and alcoves of the castle, for the first time resenting its size. It was all quickly becoming seemingly fruitless, until he came upon an incredibly frizzy haired young lady, who eyed him with wary respect. If it weren't for the Gryffindor red, Salazar would have pegged her for a fine Slytherin.

"Mr.Slytherin, it's an honor to meet you." She nodded with a smile. "To what do we owe a visit?" She appeared curious, hungry to learn.

Salazar supposed he could stop and give her a few moments of his time. He retold the story of how he was—quite rudely—yelled at by the blonde boy who had sent him off to find Harry Potter.

The girl appeared downright ecstatic when his story was done, her eyes lit up fervently:

"Harry is going to _freak._ I know where he is, you simply must follow me, Mr.Slytherin." She bounced on her heels once, then spun and darted down the hallway, her thick, frizzy hair bounding behind her.

Salazar made haste to catch up.

~

"Draco Malfoy!" Godric bellowed as he floated through the many halls, scaring children alike with his visage. He supposed it was not everyday you meet a Hogwarts founder. Most stared dumbly at him, then scuttled away, none brave enough to offer him insight into _where_ Draco Malfoy was. _Dammit._

He continued his search, ducking into classrooms and alcoves of the castle, for the first time resenting its size. It was all quickly becoming seemingly fruitless, until he came upon a rather pug faced, black haired young lady, who eyed him with wary disdain. Even if she had not been wearing Slytherin robes, Godric would have known she was one a mile away.

"Godric, it's an honor to meet you." She nodded with a thin smile. "To what do we owe a visit?" She appeared suspicious, perhaps even defensive.

Godric supposed he could stop and give her a few moments of his time, put her at ease. She might be able to help him even. He retold the story of how he was—quite rudely—yelled at by the raven boy who had sent him off to find Draco Malfoy.

The girl appeared downright ecstatic when his story was done, her eyes lit up fervently, all her suspicion gone:

"Draco is going to _freak._ I know where he is, you simply must follow me, Godric." She bounced on her heels once, then spun and darted down the hallway, her flat black hair bounding behind her.

Godric made haste to catch up.

~

Once Salazar finally found himself before Harry Potter, he took a moment to make a judgment of the boy. There was great power in him and a good heart too, he was worthy of a Slytherin's love.

Satisfied, Salazar began speaking, his voice effectively snapping Potter out of his stooped staring:

"I am Salazar Slytherin." He introduced himself, though he was sure that was arbitrary. "I have been sent by Draco Malfoy to pass on a message to you." 

Potter bit his lip and shook his head, gathered his wits about him:

"Okay, okay, _alright._ What did—Draco say?" 

Salazar allowed a smile:

"He wants me to tell you he's in love with you on his behalf."

Potter's face did many a thing after Salazar had spoken. He went pale, then green, then purple, before it all flushed out of him and he just looked sick. Sick, and silent. 

"Are you going to say anything, boy?" Salazar tilted his head to the side after a full minute had passed by.

"I—He—He really said _that?"_ Potter finally spluttered, clutching a hand to his chest.

"Yes, of course he did. Well, he yelled it at me really." Salazar confirmed. He had no reason to lie.

Potter's face cleared and he smarted, then dashed off running at top speeds past Salazar. The founder almost felt a breeze even.

"Have to go—! Thank you so much—!" He yelled back to Salazar as he rounded the corner.

Well, that boy was off in a rush. With little else to do, Salazar made to follow.

This could turn out interesting.

~

Potter ran through the halls as if the devil was on his heels, which Salazar found vaguely amusing.

Suddenly though, Potter crashed headfirst into someone else and they both went toppling to the floor. 

Salazar stopped abruptly as the kids fell to the floor, and just so, he noticed another ghost in front of him, who was seemingly following the girl Potter crashed with.

His eyes narrowed for a moment, though his mouth quirked up:

"Godric."

Godric arched an eyebrow and grinned:

"Salazar! Haven't seen you in a while, old chap. How's it going?" 

Salazar sighed and affected a dismissive hand gesture:

"Same old same old."

"Potter, what the fuck?!" The girl with black hair slowly sat up clutching her head.

Potter was next, standing up on shaky legs:

"Sorry, Parkinson. I'm in a bit of a hurry." 

She rolled her eyes:

 _"Obviously_. Where are you going in such a rush anyways?" Parkinson slowly stood up and dusted herself off.

Potter hesitated for a moment, but then shrugged and answered her anyways:

"I have to find Malfoy. You know where he is?"

Parkinson crossed her arms across her chest:

"I'm his best friend Potter, of _course_ I know where he is."

Godric floated over to Salazar's side:

"This is a waste of time." 

Salazar chuckled:

"It's amusing."

Godric rolled his eyes:

"Of course the Slytherin would say that."

"Oh _ha-ha,_ aren't you funny?"

Just then, Potter and Parkinson seemed to come to some sort of agreement and dash off together, leaving two Hogwarts' founders to once again follow.

~

By the time Godric and Salazar emerged into the tower that Potter and Parkinson were headed to, the kids were already there, as was Malfoy.

Salazar couldn't wait for this to be over. This wild goose chase and teenage drama had him exhausted, even as the ghost he was. Godric seemed to share the sentiment, but it was obvious they were both interested enough to stick around for the finale.

Turns out though, the finale, as it were, was sort of anti-climactic. There were no dramatic exclamations of love, like both Salazar and Godric would've assumed based on how vigorously they were yelled at.

No, instead, Potter just grabbed Malfoy and kissed him.

Well, that was fair enough too, Salazar supposed after all.

~

_Fin._


End file.
